Mystery of the Bored Children
by monkeybait
Summary: It was quite a boring day, but is Eyes really so bored that he's plotting to kill Kousuke and Rio?


**A bizarre little one-shot about Eyes, Kosuke and Rio, when they actually have no one to kill.**

Eyes and Kosuke and Rio were really bored.

"I'm so bored I don't even feel like manipulating Narumi's little brother and that girl with the braids," Kosuke muttered.

Eyes pushed his abnormally white hair out of his face. "I'm not sure if it's possible for me to feel boredom, but I believe having something to do would be quite… sustaining."

"We could throw a party and invite all the people we know," Kosuke suggested.

"Five people standing and staring at each other. Whee," Rio said sarcastically.

"We could get that Narumi kid to cook for us," Kosuke added.

"But then we'd have to invite him," Eyes reminded.

"But why?" Kosuke whined.

"It's polite," Eyes reminded.

"Oh, who gives a flaming goose about that?" Kosuke came up with that strange term on the spot. "I guess we could always make fun of your name. That usually entertains us for a good two hours."

Eyes sighed and looked at Kosuke out of the corner of his… eyes. Yeah. "It sort of lost its comedy the first twenty-seven times. And even then I was only pretending to think it was amusing. Which it isn't."

Kosuke was ignoring him though. "Rio, whatcha got there?"

"It's a magazine I bought! I'm taking a quiz!" Rio said cheerfully.

Kosuke peered over her shoulder. "Is… Is that a boyfriend quiz? Rio, you don't have a boyfriend, do you? Because if you do, then we need to explode-"

"No," she stopped him. "I'm just substituting boyfriend for you guys. In this portion, I have to think of an object that best describes you."

Kosuke laughed. "Well, I know what the All-Seeing Eyes would be."

"Don't call me that," he muttered in a very neutral voice.

"Have it your way; I dub thee Blinky instead. Anyway, I know what object he'd be."

"Don't say it! It's going to be mean!" Rio growled, slapping Kosuke on the shoulder with her magazine, mostly for calling her beloved Eyes 'Blinky'.

"No, tell me, I want to know," Eyes said, his expression unreadable.

"A piece of paper." Kosuke snapped his fingers for affect.

"How plain!" shouted Rio, sticking out her tongue.

"Exactly," said Kosuke. "It's so fitting."

"Explain your reasoning." Eyes put on a blindfold and started doing Soduku, the closest thing to fun he could think of at the moment.

"Useful for just about anything but completely blank and uninteresting if left alone," Kosuke said.

"Eyes isn't boring!" Rio argued. "He's more interesting than-"

"A spoonful of salt? Jynx," Kosuke joked.

"I didn't say anything," Rio answered coldly, plotting something that involved Kosuke's pillow and snails.

Kosuke sprawled out on the couch. "I don't care. Get me a soda anyway."

Rio pouted. "Well if you're so good at this, what would you give yourself?"

"Okay." Kosuke tapped his shoe on the ground. "I got it: a staple. Because I'm sharp and I hold everything together. Like this group, for one thing."

"I almost got it. I put you down as staple remover," Rio said with a questionable grin.

"What's that mean?" Kosuke wondered if he would regret asking.

"Handy to have around, but you almost never use it."

"Hey!"

Eyes stood up, removing the blindfold. "Don't get in a tizzy. Let's go shopping."

"Shopping? All of a sudden?" Kosuke asked. "'Tizzy'?"

"Yay, shopping! I love shopping!" Rio clapped her hands. "What are we shopping for? Can I buy new clothes for you two?"

"New… clothes?" Eyes actually looked confused.

"Well, you wear the same thing everyday. Even though your turtle-vest suits you, it's nice to have some variety," Rio said. "Please? I'll buy you only cool stuff."

Eyes seemed opposed to the idea entirely, but said, "Very well. If it pleases you."

"Yay!" Rio mega-squealed and danced out the door.

"Are you completely insane?!" Kosuke asked. "She's going to dress you really strangely. That's what girls do. Why do you even want to go shopping?"

"That is my business. Get the keys to the limousine out of my pocket for me. I know how much it amuses you," Eyes said in his usual dispassionate way.

"Ooh! Yes!" Kosuke dug his hand into Eyes' deep coat pockets. After taking out a screwdriver, a doghouse, an anchor, a phone booth and finally the heaviest object, the entire set of Ranma ½ books, he found the keys at what appears to be the bottom.

"Got 'em!" he said.

"Three and half minutes. Not bad, considering all the heavy lifting," Eyes said, glancing at a pocket watch he managed to delve out of his other 'magic pocket'.

"Are you slow pokes coming?!" Rio shouted from the elevator.

"Oh, yeah!" Kosuke shouted, racing inside, Eyes walking briskly behind him.

"… Eyes?"

"Yes?"

"Why do you always get to push the button?"

"Because it's my turn."

"It can't always be your turn, Blinky."

"I'm the leader. And I refuse to respond to 'Blinky'."

"Who said you were the leader?"

"Yeah, you can't just say you're the leader! You have to be elected!"

"Because I have angel fingers."

Without any combative retort to that, Rio and Kosuke sat in silence all the way to mall.

* * *

"I love the mall!" shrieked Rio. "It's my element!"

"That and explosives," Kosuke mumbled, rubbing a mysterious scar on the back of his arm as if reminiscing.

"I have an important task that needs taking care of. Goodbye," Eyes said, walking away suddenly.

"Oi! Blinky! Where you going? We just got here!" Kosuke shouted. "Don't leave me alone with Rio on a shopping adventure!"  
"Eyessss… You said you'd try on clothessss… waah…" Rio sobbed.

"It's a very important task. It concerns our overall well-being," Eyes explained.

"Is it about… the Blade Children?" Kosuke asked in a whisper.

Eyes looked away. "Something like that… Farewell."

The two of them watched him walk away.

"… Wanna get smoothies or something?" Kosuke asked.

Rio glared at him. "I bet Eyes left because of you."

"Maybe. You still owe me a soda," Kosuke reminded her.

* * *

Three hours and seventeen blue raspberry Icees later…

"Where is Eyes?!" Rio shouted. "I'm buying him an outfit! Would he not look so adorable in a blue cashmere sweater?"

"He'd look like Bakura from Yu-Gi-Oh, if that's what you mean," Kosuke growled. "But I really wonder what he's doing that he can't tell us. I bet he just said he'd go shopping so he could ditch us as he went to go do something exciting and cool. What a jerk."

"Shut up, staple remover." Rio leaned back on the bench.

"Hmph. And I'm still bored," Kosuke said.

Rio leapt up. "I've got it! Let's make a bomb!"

"Oh please, Rio, that's your answer to everything," Kosuke said with a sigh. "Let's do something different."

"I know! Let's read Eyes' diary!" Rio squealed.

"How?" Kosuke asked.

"I went in his room to get back my inflatable chair and may have accidentally mistaken his diary for such," Rio said innocently, taking out from her shoulder bag.

Kosuke grinned. "Rio, you are awesome! Quick, open it!"

"Okay, okay: let's read the entry from last week. 'Dear Blank Pages of Which I Am So Similar-"

"I told you," Kosuke nodded.

"Shut up. Okay, 'Dear' blah, blah, blah… 'Rio lost her cat backpack for the second time this month. I have no interest in finding it; I some what hope that it's missing for good. It will teach her a lesson not to misplace her things.' Stop laughing at me, Kosuke! Ahem. 'Kosuke won't be quiet about his Nintendog. When will he learn that when I close my ears and hum Beethoven's Das Liedchen von der Ruhe that I don't care about a word he says?'"

"Shut up, Rio," Kosuke snapped, as she had now begun to laugh at him. "Let me read yesterday's entry. 'Tomorrow I have to go on an important expedition. Two days from now, my morning will be ruined if I don't have this important item. Rio would never agree to buy it on her shopping excursions, so I must retrieve it myself. I have to somehow trick the two of them or they'll question why I'm going out all day. Oh well. They'll know soon enough…'"

"So what was that about?" Rio asked curiously.

"I don't know, but that dot, dot, dot at the end gives me the heebie jeebies," Kosuke answered.

Rio raised an eyebrow. "'Heebie jeebies', huh?"

"Shut up!" Kosuke yelled. "Listen: Eyes' may be our friend, but he's also a killer! What if he turns the tables on us?!"

Rio shook her head. "I think you're overreacting."

"But what if I'm not?!" Kosuke shook her shoulders.

"Kosuke, have you taken your insanity to the next level?" an eerily neutral voice said from behind.

"Aah!" Kosuke shrieked. "… Eyes… Hi… What's in the bag?"

Eyes lifted it up. "You know… Milk."

"Milk?!" Rio and Kosuke shouted in unison. "That's it?"

"I have to have it with my cereal. It's a good source of protein, you know. Now return my scriptural hopes and dreams or I'll cuff you both upside your heads." Eyes held out his hand.

"Fine." Kosuke gave it back. "But we weren't bored reading it."

"That's too bad, then," Eyes muttered, placing the book in his deep pockets. "Oh, Rio, I bought you a melon too."

"Yay!" Rio clapped and grabbed it.

So Eyes got his milk, Rio got her melon and Kosuke received enough adrenaline to last him nine days. Thus ended another spell of boredom for the Blade Children.

**Yeah... pretty weird... Oh, well. Thanks for reading!**


End file.
